KinkyThought

I think it's time we parted ways...

2005-08-18T00:57:00.000-04:00

So I've had this domain since February, but I just haven't set it up to point anywhere. I think I may be finished cutting my teeth on blogger, so until they get on the comeup with some new features, I'm moving to a blogsome (running on wordpress) but I'm oepn to whatever works for here on out: the new address is www.kinkythought.com. Oh yeah. It's a movement. Just wait till my shea butter comes in.

Where is PETA when you need them?

2005-08-17T23:34:00.000-04:00

I just flipped past Fear Factor on Fox--PLEASE believe I do not watch Fear Factor like it's a valid show--but people were spitting milk into glasses, and I just knew that that milk had been sucked straight from a teat of some sort. I win: they were racing to suck milk from goats and fill up the glasses.

Now, that's just unsanitary. Not for the people--they just nasty. But that goat don't want you suckin on his titties! What if those people have herpes? Or HPV? Or mouth cooties? Now the goat has gingivitis of the titty and who's gonna say something about it? And that woman goat might take offense to being suckled by another woman-- now you've that goat into a lesbian and she couldn't say anything about it.

And PETA is still trying to jock people's Starter jackets.

Christians are some greedy suckers.

2005-08-13T07:05:00.000-04:00

Honestly, if I were an outsider looking in, I'd think we were crazy.

My general religious/spiritual beliefs nonwithstanding (save it for another day), John Fountain took the words out of my head with his recent Washington Post article. Granted, I don't quite get the correlation between the failings of the church and the disconnect with black men specifically, but maybe you have to be one to understand. I see it as a failing of the Protestant Christian church as a whole.

The church, or at least the face that you see/hear/know about on a public level, is about money more than anything else. I truly cannot tell you the last time I heard about a church other than my own doing something for someone out in the community, but I can tell you how many times today I've heard mentioned the name of this celebrity pastor, or that star-spangled congregation, or the big new building that's being built. I have heard "so-and-so church has their sanctuary paid off" thrown around as a major compliment more times than I need to. I used to watch a lot of different televised church services while I was away at school, but I had to stop, because I just couldn't take the greed anymore. I'm not sure if this is a new thing or if I'm just now noticing it, but the message seems to be that blessings=riches and "God's fruits" all come in the form of monetary and material gain. I've sat in church and heard pastors say that you are not a Christian if you don't tithe. I've listened to more than one popular, TV-show-having preacher make the statement that they or someone close to them "never received a blessing" until they "sowed a seed" that they could barely afford to spend to someone's ministry. You're a pastor and you're telling me that your "blessings" have all come in the form of cars, houses, and enough money to finance a new rec center? Are you serious? And here I thought the Bible said that it's easier to fit a camel through a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven. Oh, but wait: it's okay to be filthy rich as long as it's for the ministry. Pardon me.

Yes, it takes funding to build buildings, do outreach, and get the message across to as many people as possible. But the church today has crossed the line into downright materialism. I'm tired of hearing these so-called religious leaders ranting about how they've been "blessed" with the millions to afford personal chefs and send their children to private school. I suppose the CEOs who get rich off divesting people of their pensions and pimps who profit from exploiting children are the holiest people of all; they sure are some of the richest. T.D. Jakes must be making at least a mil yearly... he should take a leap of faith and "sow" $999 thousand to see how far he gets, instead of investing in any more of those shiny suits.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm only seeing the face of Christianity that's in the newspapers, television, magazines, and internet every day, and this is an innaccurate depiction. Maybe my little shiny-suit-free church isn't one in a million, and these temples of plenty are in the minority.

In that case, they need to stop making us po' folk look bad.

Let's get something straight...

2005-08-12T22:51:00.000-04:00

So yes, PETA emailed me back. The gist of the response was, "we didn't mean to be offensive, but we were trying to make a point."

I'm sure the hicks who want to keep the confederate flag flying at the SC courthouse are trying to make a point, too.

Am I crazy? Because I'm not seeing the logic in this argument: "By teaching respect for animals, we can also cultivate attitudes of nonviolence toward humans." The argument just does not work both ways. Since when does PETA champion nonviolence toward humans? When they mail razor blades to fur farmers? When they pay for legal support for activists who firebomb research labs? Oh, that's right; they only support nonviolence toward humans who agree with them.
Bottom line, if you're saying that human suffering compares to animal suffering, you're just as bad as the people who mistreat humans and consider them animals. But then, if you're a person who believes that animals should have the same rights as humans, I guess it doesn't matter. That is the difference between someone who belives in animal welfare and someone who belives in animal rights. The former simply believes that animals should be treated humanely (with kindness, mercy, and compassion). I'm very much for animal welfare; I'm not for elecrifying bunny rabbits, I don't like seeing animals in the circus, and I don't go for elephant ivory and exotic animal fur. HOWEVER, I'd rather see a rat die from cancer-drug research than my grandma. It's about extremes.

So I have a vegetarian roomate, which may prove to be interesting if she is the "you shouldn't do what I don't do" type. I might have to go on a Beef Binge or a Poultry Picket. But I don't wanna get fat.

Pray for me.

Aaron McGruder needs to get it over with

2005-08-12T16:29:00.000-04:00

and just come over here and do me. Your macking is tight, but let's stop playing games.

PETA wrote me back, by the way. I ain't beat for the bullshit.

I knew PETA people were crazy, but...

2005-08-11T17:25:00.000-04:00

this takes the vegan fruit cake. This video at PETA's Animal Liberation Project site attmpts to make the point that "We Are All Animals," and in doing so compares American slavery, forced child labor, Nazi concentration camp, and Native American obliteration with the plight of farm-ranged cattle and circus bears. I'm against animal cruelty, but I do belive that if animals were meant to be treated the same as humans, it would be staggeringly obvious. At press time, the greatest technological breakthrough ever made by an elephant was finding a bigger stick to swing through the underbrush with.

So I wrote PETA a letter. I doubt that it'll do any good, because the narrow, fanatical minds that could see it acceptable to kill a human scientist for harming a rabbit or beat a woman down for wearing a fur coat are not going to change for me; but I couldn't let it pass. I think I'll go fix myself a meat and sinew sandwich, now.

Although I am against animal cruelty and brutality, I am offended by the means that your organization uses to communicate its' point. I recently viewed the "Animal Liberation Project" flash presentation at your website, and to be honest, I was not moved. You are comparing the pain and torture suffered by African slaves, Native American Indians and Jewish concentration camp prisoners to that of circus animals and farm hens.
If you honestly think that this is appropriate and that the enslavement of a human being compares to the display of circus animals, you are no better than the slavers, soldiers, and Nazis of the past.

Danielle Brockington

Charlotte, NC

Now this is getting crazy.

2005-08-10T23:36:00.000-04:00

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
You always say The Man is holding you down, but you never mention the intense sexual rush it gives you.

SOMEBODY HAS GOTTA GET OUTTA MY HEAD! I officially have confirmation that i.am.the.shit. Backstory: around early 2003 I fuund out that my AIM profile and away messages are like, syndicated or something across the nation. I'm serious. There are people I've never seen before in Ohio, California, and Texas who read my AIM info on a daily, hell, several-times-a-daily basis. Since I've not been in school, I've slacked off, I know... but there is hope for the future.

So at some point between freshman and sophomore year, I made the profile:

"Things I've Faded"

Pharell singing hooks
overdecorating in red
the right-side salad bar in Fountain
sandals in snow

"These things are HAWT" **buy me these.***

instant grits
situnder dryers
Pocky
Shea butter from the lady at the flea market

These were on my profile for a good couple days, and what do I see tonight on Adult Swim?? The above as bump! It wasn't exactly the same, but "Things I've Faded so you should fade them too" is miiiiiine. I've been cultivating, polishing and coddling "buy me these" for yeeeears! I can't believe that an actual and honest personal phrase has been janked by [adult swim]. I'm flattered, yet pissed. Now whenever I say it, I'll look like a poser. Crap.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, well.

2005-08-10T05:31:00.000-04:00

I was saving up all my postey goodness until after my Big Fat Tennesee Weekend, but since that's not going to happen as planned, here I am still trying to polish my CSS skills to a brilliant shine and downloading new music. (Can I say again how much I LOVE my neighbors in G-towne?)

So I have this new song on repeat: Robin Thicke has a new album out, and though the whole world slept on the last one, I'm still trying to make people belive that it really was hot... or at least three of the singles were. I think the world might be a little bit more ready for his blue-eyed soul this time around, now that Joss Stone has paved the way and Teena Marie is making club bangers with the Cash Money Millionaires. His newest single "Wanna Love You" is pretty nice, and there's something that sticks to me about the beat, even though it's simple and rather tame for the Neptunes. However, I believe my part-time lover is overdoing himself singing these hooks-- it's just not hot anymore, doll.

I might slap a link up in a few days, or not. We'll see.

10-second postpartum edit: The beat is the background notes from Billie Jean raised by an octave or two. I can always catch a sample.

Fabulous And Thick!

2005-08-07T05:02:00.000-04:00

So did everyone watch Mo'Nique's FAT Chance Saturday? I really hope so, because it was hands down the best beauty pageant I've ever seen next to Little Miss AKA 1988, but I'm partial. I was loving it! Mo'Nique is gorgeous, and I'm still wondering why in the world she doesn't have her own clothing line yet (maybe she has a no-competitor contract with Just My Size?). All the ladies were gorgeous... it really changed my perception of the types of clothes a plus-size woman can wear. I don't quite meet the plus size mark, but I was racking up fashion tips for myself!

All of the contestants were plus, but none of them were what I would call obese or terribly out of shape; they all carried their weight really well. I'm a firm believer that a woman CAN be 200 lbs. and still be fit, and that healthy does NOT necessarily equal skinny. Hell, if every woman looked like the Olsen twins we'd be in a sad state. You can't birth babies with them narra' hips.

I really don't have much to say, except that the show was good. I'm sure the haters will be in rotation my Monday morning. (eew! fat people are gross!). Brush those chubby shoulders off.

Where are the white bootleggers?

2005-08-06T04:38:00.000-04:00

This is a serious question. Don't white people need bootlegs, too? I don't dig R. Kelly and I'm not too big on Tearria Marie. I really want The Killers' album but I'm tired of dodging the RIAA with this illegal downloading. This isn't a game--I asked a black bootleg man if he had Maroon 5 and he looked at me like, "Wha??" That was obviously a bust. So white people, I need you to help me: hook me up with the caucasian bootleg man!

You're out there, white bootleg man. If not, then this is the perfect opportunity for some young white hustlers to get a come-up. Or some black hustlers can expand their repertoire. You wouldn't belive how ripe the streets are for a $5 DVD of Wedding Crashers. Owen Wilson is cute!!

The suburbs is watchin'. Get this paper.

And I don't even have a penis.

2005-08-05T02:08:00.000-04:00

"When the picture came up, a pain shot through my groin. And I don't even have a penis."
~ Mama

This may be the most painful device I've ever seen in my life. Yet it looks oddly like a Mac peripheral.

Now, I know I read a few weeks ago that a South African inventress has already come up with this, but I truly don't know which came first. I suppose the idea of an anti-rape device isn't really new in theory, it just hadn't been produced and sold yet. Either way, I'm seeing how this could be both a great and horrible idea.

I think Sonette Ehlers' version is a bit more humane (considering we're talking about rapists here), while the Swedish version would be safer for the wearer (he can't hit/shoot/stab you and try to hold his package together at the same time), but I'm just waiting for the first news report of some woman donning such a device just to be an ass and get back at her husband/boyfriend for cheating or leaving the toilet seat up. Yeah, I said it: some women are just assholes. That being said, I'd still buy one and I don't think they should be banned from the market, but I think the likelihood of misuse is kinda large. In which case, I vote for the model developed by my Afrikan sista. Also, I would think that there would be an awful lot of potentially-VD-infested blood released into one's cooch with that second one. We don't want any of that.

I'm dissapointed that there are activists--especially females--in South Africa condemning women for taking bold, direct action to defend themselves. If Charlene Smith were one of the women who knows that the police and governement are not going to take her rape seriously, I doubt that she would be so quick to cast stones. Educating potential rapists? Yeah, I'm sure that there are some men out there who are simply ignorant to the fact that forcing themselves on women is unnacceptable and disgusting behavior.

I am continually saddened and confused about the poor state of womanhood all over the world. I mean, is there anyplace where we get a break? I can't think of a single present-day culture that at its' core values women as equals to men in terms of basic human rights. Which is interesting, considering what we now know scientifically of mitochondrial DNA and the human embryonic development. Oh, you don't know? Well let me tell you.

There are certain DNA markers that are only passed through ovum, meaning that while your DNA is a mixture from four different grandparents, it's still almost identical to your maternal grandmother's. Thus you have the theory (which I think has been proven as fact now) of the Mitochondrial Eve: the most recent common human ancestor. Male (Y-chromosome) DNA inheritance can't be traced very far at all.

And I learned this yesterday: everyone is female at conception (that's why men have nipples!) Sperm-contributed sex chromosomes don't kick into gear until several weeks after conception, so in the meantime a fetus develops based on the mother's X-chromosome. After a while the other one starts operating and finishes the sexing of the fetus-baby... ever notice that male and female sex organs are physiologically similar? But we're all female to begin with. Maybe that's why men are so mean; they hate their inner femininity? I don't know, but that might make a good psychology study.

Maybe I should switch to Anthropology.

It IS the end of an era!

2005-08-04T20:03:00.000-04:00

Charlie Murphy says that Chapelle's Show is no more.

First Rick James dies, now this? WTH is going on here? I call shenanigans. Charlie Murphy ain't nobody. I think I'd trust an announcement from Comedy Central or maybe Dave himself, but when did Charlie become an official spokesman for the show? Maybe this is all a clever ruse to get everyone dejected and sad, and then when we least expect it, KAPOW! Season 3!!! Wouldn't that be fun?

Or maybe I just need to let it go.

At any rate, my wireless internet is back in action, so not all is lost. And I'm growing more elated by the minute about The Big Move... across town.

So I got a call today, or rather my mom got a call today, requesting my presence to temp again at my old job. That would be awesome, because a) maybe they could find a part-time gig for me and b) that would give be just enough money to replace my digital camera. If I replace my camera, I can stop lying to these clubs and telling them that I have a camera (it's not lying... I have one, it's just broken) and my karma will heal up and I can pimp this secondary side-hustle. That would be my pocket/travel money for the fall and maybe enough to make a down payment on a G5, which would allow me to step my primary side-hustle into high gear. That would be perfect.

But first, I need my old job to return my returning of their phone calls. Is this a bad thing?

It's the end of an era.

2005-08-03T20:28:00.000-04:00

So my free wireless internet has been cut off. Or, more truthfully, the rightful owner has password protected his connection. Damn.

On the bright side, I've received my housing assignment and I'm in my first choice: a 4bd/2bth apartment in the honors & international dorms. Considering that I'm just about as international as I am an honors student, that's a rather good deal. I'm counting down the days (15) until I can officially move out of this place I share with my mother when I'm not in school... I love my mama, it's just that sometimes she comes off a little, well... hellspawnish.

A white man is missing...

2005-07-31T14:39:00.000-04:00

...and so begins the media blitz. First of all, its hilarious to me that this nation can even get into these frenzies as they do over missing people. People go missing every single day, there are starving and homeless children in the streets. Women get beat up and raped every couple of minutes... but the news has been talking about Natalee Holloway for the past two months. Dammit, I know the child's name without looking it up.

Don't get me wrong, it's sad when a person is missing and/or killed. I feel for the parents, families and friends of any person who's gone missing. I've had to deal with that situation in my own family more than once and it's horrible. BUT the dissapearance of my teenage cousin didn't make national news. There have been a couple of articles in the national news in the past couple of weeks about this love affair that the American public has with these white damsel in distress stories, so I'm not going to rehash anything that's already been said by others, and that I've been saying since this ridiculousness started several years ago. The bottom line is that the media latches onto a story and rides it as long as the public's attention will hold, and the general caucasian public loves to fret over white women.

So there's been little to no coverage of Latoyia Figueroa, the pregnant mother of a seven year old who went missing in Philly a couple of weeks ago. Instead, the soup du jour is a missing white guy (how's that for variety?) named... get this... George Smith. Can there be a more boring story? I mean, how much mystery and drama can you create out of a man missing from a boat in the middle of the ocean?

But the news has been trying its damndest anyway. Oy vey.

*eta*Ha! Arron McGruder is soooo my soulmate.

OMG, this person is JUST LIKE ME!!!

2005-07-30T17:57:00.000-04:00

So I like clicking the "next blog" button at the top of the page to see where it takes me. I once ended up at the blog of the guy who would be my soul mate if we actually knew each other and he didn't already have a gilfriend he was trying to marry. Anyway, I started putting in "randomwords".blogspot.com, and just to check on who had taken the name I was going to use originally, I tried picaflor (means flirt in Spanish, like my AIM id.)

So the first thing I notice is that this person reads The Onion. What are the odds, right? And she writes kinda like I do, only younger and less polished... to make a long story short it took me a good minute and a half to realize that this was, in fact, my old blog from 2002, recounting the weekend of my high school graduation. It's like opening a little time capsule, or how I would find candy and money from the year before in my coat pockets on the first day of winter. How special.

As far as I can remember, Erin and I did end the fight, the gift count didn't increase over the summer but went way up after school started, and I didn't do jack over the summer but hang out with Erin and enjoy myself.

Life hasn't really changed that much, has it?

Clearly, y'all have been sleepin' on Popeye

2005-07-26T05:44:00.000-04:00

These funky children are leaving my home today (spectacular yessss!) and I'm foregoing my morning jog since I'm getting my excercise bike later today. To all who ever slept on The Great Effort, today I sneer. Later, when I am svelte once again, I will laugh in your general direction.

I've been thinking a lot about what this Effort is for. It's definitely to lose this belly weight that I've built up over the summer. It's definitely to have slimmer thighs. I'm not buying any more clothes, so I really need to fit COMFORTABLY into a size 10 by the time I start school and have to wear something other than pajamas and sweats all day. If my clothes were all 12/13's, I'd probably just stand my ground at 180 and keep it (not) moving.

But I can't shake the feeling that there is a much more sinister--well maybe not sinister, but at least obsured--reason that I'm so fixated on losing weight. I mean, why do I have the urge to jog at 5 in the morning? (Really, I'm forcing myself not to go out... i'll have my bike back in just a few more hours) Why do I own an exercise bike? Why am I eating yogurt?? I've never had this kind of willpower before and it's kind of shocking to me.

I definitely want to be more attractive by the time school starts. I know it's superficial, but I'm starting over with completely new people. I don't want to be "that girl"... you know, the chubby one with the great sense of humor? At the very least I turn into that girl over time, but I try not to start off that way. Because people do judge you by your looks. I don't want to come off as sloppy at first bat (as my mother says, "not well groomed") because that's not who I am; that's who I become when I feel like shit and I want to push people away. But that's not my life anymore, so I don't have to be that fat girl.

So being superficial is just going to have to do for now. It's making me get up and move my butt, and meet some of my neighboors. It's helping me to build a healthy heart and body so I won't have old, tight muscles and a skippidy heart and I won't get winded walking up a flight of stairs. I've found a skin care regimine that works and I'm sticking to it really well; no more spottiness and having to hide behind tons of makeup and glitter to feel pretty. No more "I can't go out because I don't have anything to wear." And I can finally stop making excuses for not getting this surgery that I desperately need. (Stick a pin in that. I'll address it later) I just feel kinda close to splendid and I like the direction of progress I'm moving in.

more than just a one-night stand

2005-07-25T12:58:00.000-04:00

The only thing better than high speed internet is FREE WIRELESS HIGH SPEED INTERNET.

Olde Georgetowne is that jumpoff for real.

Thanks to the unintentional generosity of one of my neighbors, I now have high-speed wireless internet in my mom's bedroom. I thought I wouldn't be able to jump this off until August, but the audioblogging commences... NOW! First up: I'm getting conflicting info on Kanye's Late Registration. First of all, let me tell you that I bought College Dropout the day it dropped and I was highly dissapointed. I mean, by that time I'd downloaded most everything ye had put out up to that point, including his early mixtape stuff. He definitely sold his best beats. I just wasn't feeling a lot of the tracks and I knew it could have been better-- mostly because I'd heard better from him.

After hearing the Diamonds are Forever remix and seeing the video (which is, in fact for the original song, which is completely different) I was kind of getting excited about Late Registration. On a downloading binge last night, I tried to preview it, but what I ended up getting was a bunch of wiggledy wash. Half the tracks labeled as from the album were actually old mixtape tracks. I thought maybe they would be updated and polished, because those are some of my favorites (Home, Half Price), but they were the same old tracks. I think someone just heard something new to them and labeled wrong, and the wrong labels spread. That being said, I think I may be dissapointed again. Nevertheless, there are some gems.

"Soulful" - Ye ft. John Legend

"Home" - an old fave

It's a celebration, bitches.

A house full of funky children

2005-07-25T00:08:00.000-04:00

And I don't mean cool-funky. I mean stank-funky. Like, don't warsh yo' ass funky. WTH is the issue with children that they can't stand to bathe? I remember being that age and being so worried that I might smell. I carried deoderant in my bookbag and gave myself a little wipedown after outdoor lunch. My cousins-- let's let them remain nameless-- are 11, 13, and 14 and they have no problem smelling like a package of spoiled meat. How can they stand to be alone with themselves, much less all holed up with each other?

Now, I've been known to skip a shower or two over the weekend... when I'm in my house, by myself, not going anywhere. I surely will not cross the threshold of my home smelling like a wet dog. These kids really feel like it's alright to take a 45-second shower and roll the f%@# out!! I'm not one to tell somebody else's kid they stank... BUT you can be sure that if I were the one driving them hither and thither, they would sit their stinking selves in this house-- actually, outside this house-- until they could wash and meet some kind of standard of cleanliness.

Damn!

Vroom VROOM!!

2005-07-21T20:02:00.000-04:00

I've been so freaking heavy lately. Geez. What is wrong with me? Maybe it's the spectre of Charlotte looming over my head... knowing that when I go back I'm going back to stay for a superhellalong time. I might not leave again until--shudder--the middle of September!

I jest. A little. I love Charlotte; I'm just SCARED. But enough of that, I'm trying to stick to this post-a-day joint. Let's see... I need anybody who knows anybody who knows anybody in UNC-Charlotte housing to slip a sista's housing app to the top of the pile. I need IB North America to get on the ball with forwarding my test scores. I need my grandfather to stop forgetting to do the favors I ask him to do. If I can have those three goals achieved, I'll be made in the shade. Make me lose 7 pounds in 7 days and I'll be made in an air-conditioned beachfront cabana.

I also need to start looking for a CAR! Bless my wonderful grandparents with their "If you're gonna get a car, it might as well be a new one,"-hollering selves. My ma just might listen. Believe me, I don't care what I get; you could give me the keys to a beat up '67 Gremlin and I'll ride that sucker till the wheels and the doughnut fall off. If I can do nothing else, I can pimp something tore up like it's the new hotness. So please: anyone, everyone--the Paypal link will be up by the end of the week--all I need is like $3500 and that'll get me a Vespa scooter outright. And that is fiiiiine by me.

On a sadder note, I'm still suffering residual damage from my injury. If you didn't know (I assume 90% of blog readers 1.know me in person and 2.are reading this like three months after I've posted it) I took a fall down a flight of stairs about 3 weeks ago at my aunt's house. What kind of doofus really falls down the stairs in 2005? The only people who say that are babies and battered wives. I think the doctor thought I was either drunk or a victim of familial abuse but at any rate he set me up with way too many painkillers, muscle relaxers, and anti-inflammatories. I still feel bloated and hazy from all that gunk, and I haven't taken any for like a week and a half. Urg.

I only get to say it once a year...

2005-07-21T01:18:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure that anyone is aware of my mental and emotional stress right now. Really. When I say I'm in trouble, I am, and right now I am having heart palpitations. I can't sleep. I'm not even regular.

And when the shit stops coming, there's nowhere else to go but the fan.

Everyone is apprehensive about starting out at a new place, but that's nothing compared to starting over when you've already failed miserably once before. I'm no stranger to failure, but this new miserable type is hard to get a handle on. At least at State, I had allies. I was in Design School, I was a Park; there were all of these ready-made families that I could hold on to to get my bearings. But with all that support and guidance, I still failed at life. So what am I going to build with nothing to start on? I lived my life for the past three years and have absolutely nothing to show for it. What am I going to do with the next three?

Uhh... I dance fine by myself, thanks.

2005-07-20T15:35:00.000-04:00

"Some niggas recognize the light but they can't handle the glare." ~Common, The Light

Read this article first, then get back at me.

I respect the notion that sometimes a woman has to take the back seat and submit in order to get and keep a happy relationship with a "good black man."

But I darn sure don't agree with it.

Now, before I go any further, let the record show I'm single and have been for 99.9% of my life. It's not that I don't want want a boyfriend,
it's that I don't just want a boyfriend. You see, I tend to get caught in
the "friend zone." You all know that zone. You meet a guy, you become friends, and gradually you become really good friends. Like, help me move out of the dorms friends. Let's do our laundry together friends.
"Hey, could you help me pick out a birthday gift for this girl I really like?" friends.

Yeah, that zone.

I dislike it, but I don't run from it. I like being a friend, and having good friends. I can't imagine getting lovey dovey with someone without having been friends first. The problem is that most of the world sees it the other way around. The common advice is "don't date your friends." Well, why would I want to spend time with someone who's not even my "friend?"

I know some people say that the friendship grows later, after you've gotten to know one another. But my inclination to swap bodily fluids with someone I don't already know quite well is reserved for celebrities and soccer players. Sam Spade on the street doesn't make the cut. If it weren't for all those Jim Crow laws and lynchings, I probably would have done well being born a couple of generations earlier.

But I wasn't, so I'm single. Because by the time I know enough about a gentleman to want his tongue in my mouth, he knows enough about me to not want it there. I've crossed the line from girlfriend to girl-friend. And boys don't want to date their friends, no matter how wonderful and consoling and helpful they are. Obviously not, if they're scared off by a woman who won't just "take his hand and go with the flow." Maybe things are different when boys become men, but I doubt it. In any case, I'm just not the type to wait around for someone to take care of me. I'm not saying that I'll never yearn for companionship; I'm saying that I don't need any ol' man. And I am not willing to accept any fellow that I cannot consider my friend.

I'm not ready to just take a hand and follow you; I need you to be secure enough to take my hand and walk with me. If you have to take control of the household because you feel emasculated in the white man's world, hit the door. I'm defeminized in the white man's world. But that doesn't mean I need to put on a petticoat and nurse a baby to feel secure in myself as a girl. It works both ways.

It's not that I don't ever want to be with someone, it's that I'm not willing to settle on one of the biggest decisons of my life. If I'm single forever, I might be a little miffed, but I'll have no regrets. I know how great I am.

And I always get what I deserve.

Once you get past all that dyking...

2005-07-19T20:52:00.000-04:00

the black community can actually get somewhere. That is, according to Rev. Willie Wilson of Union Temple Baptist Church in DC. He expounded upon some of his uplifting opinions earlier this month during a controversial sermon in which he warned that "lesbianism is about to take over our community" and that “Sisters [are] making more money than brothers and it’s creating problems in families... that’s one of the reasons many of our women are becoming lesbians.”

Well call me a monkey's uncle. I thought it was 'cause of playing too much sports.

But his opinions don't surprise me. I have noticed this vaguely misogynistic undertone among many in the black church in recent years; this belief that until now was confined to the pulpit that young black girls are "turning into lesbians" at an alarming rate. Now, I know Florence isn't the most cutting edge place in the world, and I know that Charlotte is still on the come-up, but I think if there was a lesbian craze, my never-could-get-a-boyfriend self would have at least known about it (or maybe I was too homely for the butch girls, too?) I really don't know where it's coming from.

What does surprise me is that this pastor has done work in the past to "build bridges between gay and straight African Americans." He has instituted a widely acclaimed AIDS outreach program in his church. So why did he choose now to espouse his pretermitive views? Given his role as a leader of the Millions More March it's as if he's deliberately trying to alienate the black gay community.

To me, the sermon is more shocking for his imagery than his philosphy. A lot of preachers (and parishioners) agree with his beliefs, but I'm just not used to hearing about strap-ons and butt grease on Sunday morning. But that brings me back to the question I've been asking since I was old enough to fashion it: why are so many "Christians" so obsessed with homosexuality?

I hear so many people talking about how they put a stop to their daughters' "dressing like a boy," but is anybody stopping their sons from calling girls bitches and 'hos at every turn? So many parents take issue with their sons playing with their sisters' dolls or "acting like sissies," so they turn around and buy them toy guns instead. The real underlying problems are so often neglected, while society only focuses on the superficial, "what's everybody going to think" type junk.

It really bothers me when I see a girl like Kristin, a precious little girl who will no doubt blossom into a gorgeuos young lady (sooner than we'd all like), relectant to buy a skirt that doesn't reach her ankles or a summer top that reaches her knees because the boys at school tease and disrespect her about having a shape. Has anyone ever thought that maybe that's the reason so many young girls, and young ladies, have no desire to date or "mess with" any of the man-boys they meet? Not because they'd rather be with each other, but because they'd rather be alone than deal with a mess of a "man." Can we focus on raising a generation of men worthy of our daughters, instead of alienating a generation of women stuck between surrender and solitude?

Good God, I can't take this anymore.

2005-07-17T02:01:00.000-04:00

JUST as I was about to turn off the glorious DSL connection and get my church clothes ready for tommorrow, Trapped in the Closet comes on. WHAT THE FUCK,PEOPLE?

You know what, I'm not even going to ask why people continue to support R. Kelly and his music... because I know people don't care. I've grown quite accustomed to being the only one seated in the club when "Happy People" comes on. I figured this shit would send his sales through the roof... and it did. But come on. This isn't even hot. This whole song/story is a literal and figurative cluster fuck, and while it touches on some of the negatives of cheating on your husband/wife/whoever, it's still just dumb!!

Why is his first reaction to everything "I'm gonna shoot somebody!"
For what? You just finished doing another man's wife and are still sitting in the room. How is that justified? You find out your wife's been cheating and you're about to shoot him too... nukka you just came to her from somebody else's wife! Like, how do you feel like that's even reasonable?

When he wakes up, his first and only concern is that he slept too late?
Not that he slept with somebody else. He's not even remorseful and it's probably not the first time. That's not cute.

Neither the narrator or Rufus's wife is concerned enough that Rufus is on the DL.
Because clearly, that is a problem and Kathy's acting like this is just another affair. You need to be Lorena Bobbit concerned. Joan-Crawford-no-wire-hangers concerned. Terry-McMillan-after-she-got-sued concerned. Why doesn't everybody just go to the clinic together after breakfast, just to check errythang out.

I know it's just a song. I know it isn't real. But I try really hard to promote responsible behavior in most walks of life. And R. Kelly is already on my bad list. His little quasi-autobiographical protagonist here just makes me throw up a little bit more whenever I hear the intro music.

ugh.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - my thoughts

2005-07-16T13:28:00.000-04:00

sidebar: was the first one called Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?

Anyway, I must say that I was surprisingly dissapointed. I really thought that the Roald Dahl-Tim Burton-Johnny Depp trifecta would have produced some wonderfully weird Wonka World on par with... well, everything else Tim Burton does. So what the heck happened?

First of all, let me back up. I am a Wonka fan on all levels. Even when I read the book as a kid, I was delighted with the darkness of it all and the well-veiled social undertones that Dahl was so great at. I was thrilled when I read the book to find that the Oompa Loompas were originally African Pygmies who Wonka "rescued" (best social commentary/character kink evar).The movie never gets old to me because while the visuals and wackiness were so cool to me as a little kid, I enjoyed it even more as I grew older because of Wilder's deadpan character... the whole thing is just great to me. So I was expecting this movie to be a older, darker Wonka.

And I think that may be what Tim Burton wanted too... but it didn't quite get there. I think they tried to make it too similar to the first movie. I think the studio pushed the whole package from "dark and witty" to "summer kids' blockbuster". I thought this would be a movie that I'd enjoy talking about later and watching again. But it just wasn't. I even liked Wonka's backstory and the casting was perfect But the plot just fell through.

The musical numbers were overrought and gimmicky and Depps delivery only shone in those beginning moments where these potentially beautiful and interesting plot points started off... he came off goofy and stilted in the other 70% when those plot points dissapeared into thin air and never developed. I feel like I should have walked out of the theater feeling like I did when I saw Edward Scissorhands, but instead felt like I'd seen one of Disney's latest non-Pixar animated gumball flicks. Depp was perfect for what this version should have been, but came off goofy much of the time because of what the film ended up being.

I am not daunted, though. Corpse Bride looks delightful.

The WhiteCastle Knights Ride Again

2005-07-15T19:14:00.000-04:00

"It's not the Klu Klux Klan killing [black folks]. It's a hamburger and fries" some man on the Cousin Jeff Chronicles (y'all have seen the BET commercial)

So, did the hamburger jump in your mouth? Did the fries run you down a dark alley and force themselves upon your gut? I wasn't aware that Pepsi was burning crosses on people's lawns in 2005. So tell me how the HELL the epidemic of obesity is killing black people like a white supemacist terrorist group.

I seriously take offense to the statement because it's such an *UGH* statement. I don't even have an adjective for it... only an exasperated sigh. People are fat because they eat a lot and don't move. There are a lot of fat people in America. Some of them are black, and some of them are white. I daresay that this might be one area where we all are right on par with each other. So what is this big argument about fatness and black people (especially poor black people)? It's not about race, it's not about class... its about YOUR LAZY FAT ASS!

Black cuisine in America has remained pretty much unchanged since, like, slavery. We love delicious, fried, fatty, grease laden stuff. We eat fatback and chitlins and leafy green vegetables stewed with bacon strips. We save grease drippings and use them as a flavoring aid. I've eaten more than one mayonaise- or sugar-sandwich in my day, and that was in the lean time. But if I'm not mistaken, my grandma cooked the same stuff for her kids. And her grandma cooked the same for hers. So the diet obviously isn't the problem-- it's that instead of being locked outside after breakfast, coming back for lunch, and having to be dragged back in at dinner, I spend more than 8 hours a day in front of one kind of screen or another and eat my fatty dinner in the chair I've been sitting in all day. Before my generation, there were "school clothes" and "play clothes" because playing required going outside and doing active things that would get your clothes dirty. That's why kids--all races of kids--are growing fatter and fatter every year.

"But they fill the hoods with fast-food restaurants, and healthy food is so expensive. Low income people can't afford to eat healthily on limited incomes."

The last time I checked, a steady diet of fast food is much more expensive than comprehensive grocery shopping. The cost of 2 Happy meals will fund enough ingredients to feed a family of four and maybe have some leftovers. Ramen noodles are about the cheapest food the world has ever known, and trust me-- they will not get you fat.

And struggling with obesity doesn't even sound like a problem that poor people should have. Think about it. If you're low on disposable income, you might be taking public transportation, so you should be walking at least a little bit from bus stop to bus stop. If you're living in a tenement you damn sure shouldn't have any video games or high speed internet, so what the heck are you sitting in the house for (ain't too much to watch on air tv)? There's your daily exercise right there. So clearly, if you're poor and fat, you have way too much going on in your life. Prioritize much?

Passing.

2005-06-21T13:02:00.000-04:00

This month there was a letter to the editor in Essence, a complaint for having Mariah Carey on the cover of the magazine. Apparently, this was disgraceful because she "never said she was black." When did we start having to announce this? I mean, she's biracial, but she has always, at least in my view, been identified as a black person, just like Halle Berry and Lenny Kravitz, etc. Her music has always been labeled "urban," and belive me, she knows as well as anyone else that with her voice, she'd be a superstar if she were white. She would have been the new Teena Marie when she came out.

So do I need to let everyone know I'm black when I walk into a room, or am I wrong for allowing what I assume to be the obvious to speak for itself? I mean, I could be a hyperpigmented white person. With a super-curly perm. I could be Indian. I could even be a really dark Asian if I squint my eyes a little. Does my light skinned aunt need to assure people upon striking up a conversation that she is, in fact black, not Inuit or, as someone asked her in the supermarket once, Vietnamese or Filipino? If someone sees Mariah Carey on the street and doesn't realize she's black, is she "passing"? Being mixed, can she really say that she's black? Why can't she embrace her white heritage too? I mean, I'm as guilty as the next person of trying to shuffle biracial children into a distinct racial identity, and I am quick to down someone who won't "admit they're black" (Tiger Woods, anyone?) but I still respect that a multi-racial person is just that, multi-racial. More than one background, more than one heritage, more than one culture. And who am I to say that someone should be more vocal about the African side of their heritage than any other? I mean, if I were mixed, I'd rather be black, but maybe that's just me. I ain't cramping anybody else's style.

But yeah, that was still a stupid letter-to-the-editor.

republish: a trial in verse.

2005-06-21T10:08:00.000-04:00

Bless His Soul, but people have been telling Michael Jackson for years: Stop The Love That You Save—it's Bad! But Michael always replies, Leave Me Alone! It's just Human Nature! Why you Wanna Trip on Me? I thought Mike had had enough of the Young Folks, but obviously not. Another little boy said Mike asked him How Funky Is Your Chicken and tried to Reach In. Mike was able to claim We're Just Good Friends and make all the other accusers Beat It, but this P.Y.T. said Doctor, My Eyes! The DA was waiting for a chance to say That's What You Get and this time they really socked it to him. They said it's Too Late to Change the Time and it turned out that this Private Affair was going to the courts. Everyone was in a State of Shock. Michael's always been a Dreamer—he's a master of the Art of Madnes—but is this kind of Torture really part of his Style of Life? It was getting really hard to continue to Blame it on the Boogie. Some people started thinking that maybe Michael really was In the Closet, but others said just listen to what the lawyers Say Say Say.

While Michael's family continued to Keep the Faith, the media did a Jump For Joy. You know how they always Wanna Be Startin' Something. While he's showing up in pajamas, his attorneys were working Night and Day to keep him living his life Off the Wall. I know it made them want to Scream because it was like he just didn't want to see the Man in the Mirror. He pulled it together just enough though (maybe Janet helped him to Trust a Try and keep it under Control). He realized the situation was Dangerous and he was really on the verge of being Gone Too Soon.

The case was a real Thriller—I turned into a Tabloid Junkie and I had to Get on the Floor once the verdict came on. If he ended up being guilty it would have really Rocked my World, because if Mike had really done all those things, I just didn't want To Know. The whole time I was thinking about the mother—if she really thought Blood was on the Dance Floor, why didn't she Jam like a Speed Demon instead of saying Enjoy Yourself? If there was really something going on, she would have asked her baby Who's Loving You and said 2 Bad, we're Standing in the Shadows of Love Darling Dear, but I'm gonna take a Stand and Walk On away from the Boogie Man. But she didn't…I think it was all about the Money for Dirty Diana.

Well, Can You Feel It? The prosecution had to Give It Up because the jury's Reflections said it doesn't matter if he's Black or White. There's too much doubt for us to say Who Is It, so that's how it goes, you Never Can Say Goodbye. They just couldn't make this Moving Violation stick. Ho How Happy the Jackson family was, but I think they only said I'll Be There until they could get over this Bridge Over Troubled Water. In a few days they'll all be Going Back to Indiana and Michael will see that The Love I Saw In You was Just a Mirage.

I tell you, Mike sure is a Smooth Criminal, cause now he's about to Ease on Down the Road. I'ma give him One More Chance... I just hope This Time Around that he will Heal His World, Remember the Time and Stop While He's Had Enough. I'll Bet You he takes this as a warning: You're Gonna Change Your Style and stop Living Together with Ben and Billie Jean. The next time he runs up talkin about I Can't Help It, he'll be sayin' Baby Be Mine on cellblock D. And you know what I'll say? That's What You Get.

ha...

2005-06-19T05:56:00.000-04:00

What to Do When Your Mom Discovers Your Blog

My mom has discovered mine (formerly on LJ) and I was greeted with "You sure do curse a lot in your little online journal." Then, "Write some more stuff. You're funny." I guess my life is a semi-open book, and I really don't care. I assume that anything posted on the internet, or put into writing for that matter, is fair game to be found by anyone so why the heck would I post anything online that I wouldn't want anyone else to see?

I guess that brings me to the whole point of keeping a "blog" in the first place: I talk a lot, and I have more than a handful of friends with whom I'll share my life experiences and tales and triumph and woe. It's easier to write things down than say them out loud anyway (and I like having a permanent record of my fleeting thoughts) so why not put them out there so that whoever cares to listen can... listen? So there's the answer to that question, Courtney and Erin. See, I've killed two birds with one stone already.

Why the move from LJ? Because I also like witty banter, and that's a little hard since most of my journal-reading friends don't have LiveJournals. And plus, I just wanted to be different.

decision reached.

2005-06-19T02:07:00.000-04:00

So I'm thinking of moving from LJ. Should I try to transplant all of my posts over or just start over from scratch? I think I'll just start over.